We have been able to have an exciting relationship in the Lifestyle by talking through issues as they come up and experimenting on what we do like and don’t like. Based on what we have gone through over the past six years these are the top ten things that we have learned. We have gone through each and every one of these steps and we have exceeded our expectations in what our relationship could be.
1. Communication (Before, During & After)
The reason why this is first is because we feel that it is essential that you discuss what you and your partner wants. Before going out you should discuss what rules that you both agree to and follow. Along with rules, you should talk about your likes/dislikes and interests as well. This will help you exponentially in knowing how you want the night to go. At the end of the night you should converse one last time and summarize to each other on how you think the night went. Could you guys have tried something else? Did you prefer watching and feeling it out? How comfortable were you in that environment? This will continue throughout your time in the lifestyle, so it's good to get good at it now.
2. Preferences/Options w other People
Now this one seems like it is easy until you're in the moment and pressed with a difficult decision. This is why communication is important. Have you ever had a fantasy that you want so bad to get fulfilled, but never thought about talking to your partner about? What about being single and wanting to be part of a group fantasy? This is where you discuss what your fantasies are. Whether it be two guys and one girl, couples swap, or what about your wife wanting a bull to come in and take charge. You should start thinking about what you really want to experience to further your bedroom fantasies.
3. Boundaries
Everyone should have these in place. This is what makes and breaks relationships. Just imagine being out at a club or a party and your wife has a guy rubbing all over her and she’s loving it, meanwhile you are sitting in the background fuming. Or when your husband is flirting with another woman and you get in your feelings. This is one of the main causes of people wanting to be in the Lifestyle, but not discussing what boundaries there must be to make both parties feel comfortable. Make sure the person that you are wanting something to happen with discusses their boundaries as well. If you are not ok with something you should speak up and make sure the other person knows, so there isn't any confusion later. Also you should know that NO MEANS NO. This seems like it is obvious, but it’s not.
4. Discretion
This is a gimme right here. When you're in the Lifestyle it is ok to tell someone, but always remember that people may be judgmental. The Lifestyle is still taboo to some. So talking about your partners to others might put them or you in an uncomfortable situation. So here is a rule of thumb for you: “What happens in the Lifestyle, stays in the Lifestyle.” Just be careful to not share the name(s) of the person that you are playing with to others. You never know how the other person might take that.
5. Benefit To Your Relationship
Not only will the Lifestyle help you in the bedroom, but like we discussed previously, communication with your partner will help guide you in the right direction. Talking helps not only in the Lifestyle, but also it is the fabric of your relationship. You will feel more comfortable and be more connected with your partner. You will see your relationship soar.
6. Confidence
Most people start to see a boost in their self esteem, morale, and confidence. People need to feel wanted. There have been times when a person just doesn’t feel like they are the best thing smokin. Knowing people that love the way you look, your personality, or even your conversations can help uplift you. We all know that there are individuals out there that seem like they were there to personally bring you down. Why not have the opposite! I enjoy the power that I gain through others. To make me feel more confident! In turn, I feel empowered physically and mentally.
7. Authentic Relationships
Ok people! How many of you have friends in your life that you can tell everything to? I mean women can tell their best friends a lot, but not their deepest secrets or
fantasies. In this Lifestyle you can enjoy authentic relationships without judgment. We have made great friends that we genuinely love and are excited to see how we all shape each other's lives!
8. Consent
Now this should be common sense and everyone should know that consent should always be asked for and given, but common sense is not always common. If you have been to a Lifestyle club you know this rule! If you have only been to events, nude beaches or parties this is not a topic that is always talked about. NO always means NO, the first time it’s said. As you get into the Lifestyle or grow sexually as a single person or couple remember asking for consent and giving consent is required and super important. Everyone wants to feel safe, especially around other people in the Lifestyle. Now we are all on the same page :)
9. Before Getting Started
THIS IS AN IMPORTANT NOTICE TO ALL! If you made it this far, then you are really interested in joining this great network of people in the Lifestyle. We wanted to save this for last, because we know if you haven’t reached this far then this really isn't your cup of tea. OK, ready! If you are single, and this is perfect for you then step into it fully and have no expectations and just live. If you are a couple! TALK! There are many relationships that end before they start in this Lifestyle. Make sure you both are comfortable in knowing what the other person wants.What they are looking for, and what their boundaries are. Take it slow and steady, the benefit is seeing where your relationship will lead.
10. Places to network & meet others in the lifestyle
Apps
● Quiver
Clubs
● Velvet Rope
● Club Sapphire
Retreats
● TrifectaVIP
Nude Beaches
● Collins Beach (Oregon)
● Rooster Rock (Washington)
